Someday maybe you will

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I hope when you look behind in time you do realize I was a best friend …. I’d so prefer for you to think so…. am not sure what else I would like you to remember but surely you won’t forget the dinner table or the one movie we watched together …. the evening spent sitting outside after the bar was long closed….. the dinner at your fav place which incidentally is the only place I feel happy in …. the excited chatter as I told you facts from my world ….. the first coffee experience and I have to say you were most attentive so much so that I had this urge to hurry back into my shell but I didn’t do that …. the waking you up in the early mornings when outside it was still dark and cold and the tea made with so much love and affection …. wafting music to cheer myself up more than you as your leaving always left me bereft …. the calls you made along the way all the way upto when you boarded your flight …. the one time you insisted I join you for Christmas …. I hope you remember these things I truly wish you would ….. as for me I take refuge in the fact that I did everything with a whole lot of heart and you left it cold and dark and never once looked back …. so I set you free and I hope you find love that is kind

Signs of love or ummm maybe not

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I have to actively stop my brain of thinking about you…. Yup …. I read the signs well except that I’ve got them all jumbled up so much so that when you say you love me I look for excuses as to why in earth would you? And if you said I was beautiful I would wonder what it is you are truly craving for…. I used to think that if a guy called you last thing at night it meant he wanted to fall asleep thinking about you and that you were on his kind all day long till I discovered that the only reason he did that was probably because he forgot all about feeding the dog …. Yup …. Wooooof…. some kind of wonderful is often a mixture of illusion and part wanting…. And there does come a time when the calls sort of just Peter off and you are left wondering if the phone bill wasn’t paid!!!! But you still live to wake to another day and another chocolate donut and life goes on….. But what baffles me is why would he send you a picture he clicked of a glam shot model….. And months later it hits you when you are sitting alone sipping a coffee and it rains that maybe you were just his friend … someone to confide into? And years later you tell yourself maybe I got the signs all wrong maybe he did love me and I was simply being Alice