The fault in our stars

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For there will always be love

Everything looks washed and fresh and new and that’s what makes me believe that there will be love ….a feeling that something or someone awaits on the road less taken …. a hunch that it’s been there all along but it’s taken me so long to arrive right around the corner…. I feel it so …..and even if it weren’t so just the thought that another adventure and another journey may be exactly what I need at this point and this time I keep no compass.

Silly storms in a tea cup for two

Here’s how you could make me fall truly madly in love with you….. tell me what made you grin uncontrollably when you were seven and I shall tell you what I was like when I was five …. tell me what you think when you’re having your first cup of morning coffee and a sheepish grin appears from nowhere…. Or when your reading yesterday’s unread paper …. tell me how you choose your tie or which aftershave you use when you know the girl will be close enough to say so …. tell me that sometimes you gaze at the moon and you often think I wonder who else is out tonight …. tell me you tell yourself that soul mates don’t exist but you still haven’t given up your search …..tell me what you are thinking when you’re lying in bed the laptop screen lighting up your face in the dark …. tell me whose smile you see or whose laugh you hear right before you fall asleep…. tell me what you’ve always wanted to text a girl but haven’t had the courage to do so….. tell me that you’ve often thought of running into someone on a slow train ride to nowhere in particular ….tell me that strangers meet in stranger places and that you shall too ….tell me you’ve searched for forgotten playgrounds and crushed autumn leaves in hope of catching music long gone but never forgotten

Someday maybe you will

I hope when you look behind in time you do realize I was a best friend …. I’d so prefer for you to think so…. am not sure what else I would like you to remember but surely you won’t forget the dinner table or the one movie we watched together …. the evening spent sitting outside after the bar was long closed….. the dinner at your fav place which incidentally is the only place I feel happy in …. the excited chatter as I told you facts from my world ….. the first coffee experience and I have to say you were most attentive so much so that I had this urge to hurry back into my shell but I didn’t do that …. the waking you up in the early mornings when outside it was still dark and cold and the tea made with so much love and affection …. wafting music to cheer myself up more than you as your leaving always left me bereft …. the calls you made along the way all the way upto when you boarded your flight …. the one time you insisted I join you for Christmas …. I hope you remember these things I truly wish you would ….. as for me I take refuge in the fact that I did everything with a whole lot of heart and you left it cold and dark and never once looked back …. so I set you free and I hope you find love that is kind

Of things that may come

Who is to say that tomorrow won’t see me wearing that onion pink sari I’ve always dreamed about and toe rings and flowers in my hair …. that you won’t be calling upon poppy to ask of me…. that Juno won’t be giving you the twice over …. that i won’t receive a call telling me all about it…. that liz and the girls will be so excited so much so that tea would be forgotten …. to all of this and what’s more I say live a little dream a little and love is for all to feel

Say it isn’t so

It’s late in the evening and you are on your third cup of tea….balmy winds and the possible onslaught of slow rain in sight and your mind turns to what now …. should I in a moment of peace buy myself freedom from thought and just call? and then you think of how wrong that would be …. it would mean going against all that you have taught yourself to be …. all that you stand for …. whoever said giving in was so easy. Paul Brown once said if you win say nothing …. if you lose say less.

Signs of love or ummm maybe not

I have to actively stop my brain of thinking about you…. Yup …. I read the signs well except that I’ve got them all jumbled up so much so that when you say you love me I look for excuses as to why in earth would you? And if you said I was beautiful I would wonder what it is you are truly craving for…. I used to think that if a guy called you last thing at night it meant he wanted to fall asleep thinking about you and that you were on his kind all day long till I discovered that the only reason he did that was probably because he forgot all about feeding the dog …. Yup …. Wooooof…. some kind of wonderful is often a mixture of illusion and part wanting…. And there does come a time when the calls sort of just Peter off and you are left wondering if the phone bill wasn’t paid!!!! But you still live to wake to another day and another chocolate donut and life goes on….. But what baffles me is why would he send you a picture he clicked of a glam shot model….. And months later it hits you when you are sitting alone sipping a coffee and it rains that maybe you were just his friend … someone to confide into? And years later you tell yourself maybe I got the signs all wrong maybe he did love me and I was simply being Alice

No need to say goodbye

An act of coffee

It’s been raining since the beginning of when I woke up today and I am happy happy happy …. I love rainy days I love how my breath catches every time the wind rustles the beautiful white curtains into a crazy tizzy …. I love the smell of coffee as it wafts through the rooms and finds me wherever iam …. I love looking at my reflection in the mirror and thinking I could fall in love with that …. I love sneaking up to the shelf in search of the cookie jar and treating myself to dark chocolate ….. I love going downstairs in my flip flops to catch that spray and afterwards coming back home to a snug house ….. I love getting hold of an old book and simply curling up in bed listening to the sound of the rain ….. It seems I live in hope that someday when you do come a knocking its raining outside ….. Like heathcliff on the moors

May the wild winds carry you far

If I asked you to would you lie here with me and watch the stars? Somedays are good and somedays iam not sure i can drive the car that is my life . But hey I never do give up…. they say that swans mate for life and so do penguins and I always cry when I hear those stories …. I cry for the fragility of things and the finality of it all…..and in between the deep pauses called life I live in hope and in mesmerising dreams so unachievable that I hold onto them for fear that if they are gone then so might I or the illusion of I.