One of the nicest feelings is to wake up in the morning with absolute no thoughts of having to be any place but home…. Of brewing a fresh pot of tea and thinking only as much as the next breath ..of watching the world come to life in the early morning …the small tea shop with its very first set of customers trailing in to grab hot sweet tea … As I watch them from afar I often wonder what strangers who are up and about at that hour must talk about? could it be about life’s follies or could it be about the weather …. I long then to be part of the conversation but I settle myself comfortably watching and imagining the get together…..then my mind wanders off in the direction of breakfast and a snooze and some more tea and things that ought to be done but could be ignored this very day….life at its simplest happiest best ….and then there Ralph who insists anoushka is coming over for lunch…. Lazy mornings and imaginary friends makes for an intoxicating day…. One in which the variables are only as complex as you want them to be
I hope that the days that follow bring with them a happy note …. Am going to spend the rest of the month chasing the rain…. swimming against a setting sun …dropping in at Omo for a filter cafe and gooey chocolate cake ….wishing against all odds that you respond to my subtext…. But here’s the thing …. Do you really listen …. somehow I doubt you do…but hey iam still going to go ahead and be happy coz I’ve got life running in my veins and laughter in my soul
and thinking about the next cappuccino and cupcakes. I think we shall go get some freshly baked frosted cupcakes if only to celebrate an early start to the weekend …. don’t want to wait to be happy and yup cupcakes make me deliriously happy. Not sure why though maybe coz they look so cheerful and so full of life …. Little morsels of infinite joy
I wonder who walked into this relationship blindfolded …. The answer is simple it was me. It’s often said that unless you are spiritually and mentally ready in every sense of the word and you know you are coz such a person would be in love with the self only then can you really be in a relationship. But what can I say iam in love with myself in bits and pieces …. It ebbs and flows like a waning moon. Maybe I was looking for you to fill that deep sense of melancoholy that’s been a friend for long. And like many old friends it often takes off on it’s own but always always to return. I vividly remember a period in the relationship when I believed what you used to say but you said it so often with hardly any nuance that by the end of it I came to realise you say it all to all. I suppose some part of me is angry with myself as to why didn’t I see this coming why I didn’t go with my instinct that you weren’t what you were pretending to be but I shall be indulgent and allow for the fact that you were often very convincing in parts. And now all I can do is make peace with my anger get up and walk away slowly but surely. A guy like you does not deserve my love and so you should consider yourself lucky that I have given you much affection in gay abandon. The least you can do is to cherish it and live to be a better man or atleast live upto your own illusions of self. The path to life is long and often wanderers run into strangers that they may have encountered in some street in some cafe while they were supposedly romancing a silly girl who hung onto their every word. Karma is inevitable and kismet even more so.